I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
honey bunches of taint.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
