3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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