I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
