I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
