I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
