Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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