I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
