the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
where are my eyebrows?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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