oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
