the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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