So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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