Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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