finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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