If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
