I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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