a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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