oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
