He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
