What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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