Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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