u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
