Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
