hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize