mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
