Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
