I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
