were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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