We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
