Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
