He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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