Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
