the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
