i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
