this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
