i barfeds in our rink
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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