Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
