Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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