i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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