Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
