Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
