It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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