I wish I could teleport
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
3 2 1 whiskey
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
