After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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