singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
