i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
