What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
