hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
