i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
