Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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