When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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