turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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