Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
