Only a mothe r could love this liver
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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