all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
