so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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