Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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