Porn is love you can see.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
