I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
