You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
