My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
