Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
