I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
