Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
