I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
