I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Who died my cat blue again?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
