i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
