I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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