FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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