the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
