I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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