Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
